Be - Do - Have

The Be-Do-Have model is a framework for achieving goals. I learned about it reading Adam’s book and this concept was an “a-ha!” moment for me.

At its core, the model requires you to shift your mindset by focusing on who you need to BE (your authentic self), then on what you need to DO (the actions you take), which will then lead to the HAVE (the desired outcome or goal). Most people operate under the Have-Do-Be model. Here’s an example:

When I have more time I’ll spend it with my family and I’ll be a better parent…

BECOMES…

I need to BE the best parent now, so I must reduce my working hours to develop great relationships with my family.

It’s a subtle shift but it makes all the difference.

I am a writer

In my last post I proclaimed, “I am a writer!” So what does that mean? Well, it is surprisingly simple. I am writing a book so therefore I am a writer. I have a Substack where I write. Once again, I am a writer.

So in this Be-Do-Have framework I am following my authentic self and it is taking me full circle to where my true identity is emerging. Powerful statement, I know! We’re getting into it in this post and I love it!

You are my density… I mean destiny

In the movie Back to the Future, George McFly was a writer in high school. But in the first reality of Marty’s life, his dad is a broken down man. A loser. When Marty rights the ship by going back in time, it has a profound effect on his father who, in the new future, is a Science Fiction novelist. And his line to Marty when his book arrives, “If you put your mind to it. You can accomplish anything.”

It is very hard to lie to yourself. You can do it for a short while, or maybe even for years and decades. But I dare you to look in the mirror, look into your own eyes. Don’t look away. And tell yourself what you want. I doubt you’ll say, “I want a boring job that has no meaning so I can pay bills.” That may be part of who you are but is it what fulfills you? Rather, you may say, “I want to learn how to play guitar.” Or “I want to visit Japan.”

For me, I looked in the mirror and I could not escape my desire. My eyes bore down into themselves and a distant memory came rushing back.

I was 13 years old, a 7th grader “journalist” covering our middle school football team’s first game of the season for the school newspaper. I was an athlete but was not allowed to play football. And to be fair to my parents, I had no desire to get my head bashed in. Let’s face it, I was scared.

So there I was, standing in the end zone in the first half and my good friend and running back, Dave Duelks, broke a tackle at the other end of the field and ran 80 yards straight towards me. I was also the newspaper photographer and I happened to have my camera ready to shoot when Dave broke free. I snapped off a few pics. The year was 1988, so there was no instant digital gratification. I had no idea if they were blurry until I developed the film later that evening.

As it were, I got a gem of a picture. I paired it with my write up of the blowout victory and I got front billing in the Sports section of the next issue. One of my best friends was a defensive lineman and our families were close through the Temple youth group and other sports. After the article was published, I ran into his dad and he said, “Hey Scoop Rubin, great article!”

I was hooked. Someone read my article. And he liked it. And I got a nickname! From that day forward, whenever I saw that dad, he called me “Scoop.” I went on to write for my high school paper, write for the town newspaper where I got paid $20 an article, major in journalism at college where I wrote for my college paper. Needless to say, I sank into who I was: a writer.

As I turned that into a career, my identity shifted slowly over time: from writer to journalist to editor to graphic designer to manager to marketer. During those 20 years, i drifted further and further away from that first true calling. While I dabbled in some creative endeavors, nothing has been sustainable. Nothing is routine.

Besheret

In this Pivot process, an idea for a book was presented to me by chance — like a bolt of lightening on a sunny day. It just came out of nowhere at a time when I was looking for inspiration. My Pivot was in full effect but I hadn’t had my “a-ha!” moment regarding what brings me joy.

And then the idea for the book emerged. And it was “besheret,” which in Hebrew translates as “meant to BE.” I outlined my idea and laid out the character arcs and a general chapter-by-chapter plan and just started writing. Writing the first chapter was like clearing the cobwebs of fear out of my mind. I remembered as I typed feverishly, “Hey, I can write. I like this! And I think I might be good.” I was MEANT TO BE this.

I am now on chapter 6 and the joy of writing continues. I am constantly thinking about the characters, scheduling time in my day to write or do research. Shifting my mindset to a Be-Do-Have model freed me from the belief that I used to be a writer but now I’m just a marketer trying to stay employed.

The reality is I AM a writer who can take time to create because I have a job that provides me the freedom to follow my true self. Mind. Blown.